kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai ki ye sala ho kya raha hai mere life mein be. Pehle to kitni smooth chal rahi thi meri life ki gadi. Sab kuch kitna achha chal raha tha. Kitna masti karta tha apne doston ke saath, wo college se bhag aana ghar ko, wo classes ka mass bunk karna, aur wapas aate hi movie dekhne jana, wo railway station ki taji hawa, wo daily market ki garma garam jalebi, aur wo rajendra park mein bitaye hue hasin pal,wo boating club ki mastiyan, wo college chowk ki galiyan, aur wapas sonepur aa ke wo pokhal bhaat ka maja lena, aur apne purane yaaron se milna, wo 30 km dur ja ke thengo dam pe time pass karna, wo Mahanadi ke bridge ke upar hamari  aapu chaapu discussion.

Aur phir pata nai kahan se achanak ye pain aa gaya meri jindagi mein, ab kuch bhi pehle ki tarah nai raha sab badal gaya tha,ab to har waqt bed pe hi pada rehta hun main, bahut pain hota rehta hai, ab bas pc ke saamne hi leta rehta hun main, sab doston se shirf facebook ye phone se hi contact mein hun. Bahut bura lagta hai.

Kya din the yaar college ke, kitna masti kiya karte the, teachers logon ko pareshan karna, wo class mein ghuste hi bolna ki sir aaj achha nai lag raha hai aaj nai padhte hum, wo madam ka class ke andar aate hi sabko ek saath pyas lagna aur pura class bahar chala jata tha, aur wo ek psycho ka bar bar mujhe palat ke pagalon ki tarah dekhna, itna dimag ka dahi karti thi na wo ki pucho mat, sala idhar ye piche padi hui thi aur upar se mujhe kisi aur se pyar hai, jo ki mujhse pyar nai karti. meri life bhi kamal hai yaar, itni saari ladkiyan line de rahin hain mujhe aur main sala gadha pagal pata nai kyun usi ladki se pyar karta hun. Koi aur dikhta hi nai hai mujhe.

Yaar abhi life mein sab bahut ulta chal raha hai, abhi tak mujhe job bhi kar lena chahiye tha, lekin sala ye pain picha hi nai chodta. Ghar mein bhi sab kitna pareshan hain ki main kab thik hounga, koi bhi puchta hai kit u kab thik hoga to main bolta hun ki jaldi thik ho jaunga yaar, par sala ye do saal se main aise hi bol raha hun par kuch ho nai raha hai mere saath, jab bhi main khus hota hun ki haan chalo yaar ab thoda pain kam gaya hai aur ab jaldi hi thik ho jaunga, to ye pain ko bhi kahan se ek mauka mil jata hai phir se mere pe kabu karne ka, aur meri halat phir jaisi ki waisi.

Well ab kuch bhi ho yaar mere paas wait karne ke alawa aur koi option nai hai, so m gonna wait till I get 100% fit and then dekhte hain ki kya hota hai, hope to hai ki jaldi thik ho jaunga and will rock the world.

To doston yahi hota hai jab kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai.

i wanted to be dead

Yes I wanted to be dead at that time. At that very time when I was feeling the pain at its peak. I was so helpless. I was not able to move also. The pain was every where, on my both shoulders, my back, my waists, my thighs and on my ankle joints. I was feeling like I am in hell. This was just 10 days ago. When the pain suddenly occur to my body. I was not even doing anything as usual like watching movies on my pc, and internet and facebook, nothing. My mind was not stable. All I was concentrating at my pain. How will it reduce. I was not feeling hungry also, ab sala itna pain se hi mera pet bhar gaya tha to aur bhuk kya lagta. It was very hard for me to move. I was like a dead body. The tears were coming out of my eyes aur sala meri bebasi to dekho main unhe ponch bhi nai sakta tha as my shoulders were in pain, to main bas apne head to pillow se sata kar asun ponchta tha. The pain was so much that I was not able to even stand on my feet also. And then one day I was not able to bear the pain and I broke into tears, and cried infront of my parents. I was feeling very bad ki main apne parents ke saamne ro raha hun but I couldn’t help myself at that time. Bahut jor se roya, mere parents ne kaha ki dnt worry beta u will be alright. Kitna pain denge tujhe god, sab sath mein mil ke jhelenge (my god yaar, ye likhte time bhi aankh se aasun nikal aate hain ). Itna pain hota tha ki khane ka mann bhi nai karta tha, bhuk lagne se bhi ye pain ke wajah se kha nai pata tha. Jab ye sab 5 din se upar ho gaya to maine socha ki kash yaar mar jata to kitna achha hota in sab pain se to mukti milti. This was not the first time when I thaught for being dead. Isse pehle bhi bahut baas aisa socha hai maine.

But then, maine socha ki yaar jo ho raha hai achha hi ho raha hai, hone do, aakhir kitne din tak chalega ye sab ek na ek din to khatam hoga hi na.aur waise bhi maine yahin pe hell dekh liya hai, phir ab to marne ke baad to mera heaven mein jagah pakki hai yaar, ha ha ha ha ha. Aur phir kahin koi khubsurat si, simple si ladki hai jisse main pyar karta hun, agar main chala gaya to use kaun pyar karega yaar. waise usse pyar karne wale bahut milenge, par mujh jaisa use koi nai milega. Aur phir mere dost log bhi to hain, unko kaun pareshan karega yaar.

So yes, i am happy with my life and my condition. Mujhe god se koi bhi shikwa nai hai ki yaar ye mujhe kya ho gaya, kyun hua, ek main hi mila tha kya, nothing. Bas I am enjoying my life in my own way. I LOVE MY LIFE YAAR. and i pray ki meri tarah kisi ki bhi aisi halat na ho, mere dushman ki bhi nai, coz mere dushman to sale waise bhi mar hi jayenge, ha ha ha ha ha. its very painful yaar, aur main nai chahta ki main jo experience kiya hai wo koi aur kare. so friends be happy, keep smiling and stay fit.

i broke up again

It was 14th of April, that means the day before yesterday. From 7 to 8 days the pain had started again in my body, my two feet and waist and shoulder were in pain. I was not able to walk from last two days. I was in great pain was not able to move properly also. I was feeling ok, the energy was in me but due to this unlimited pain I was not feeling comfortable. that whole day I was in bed only. It was Saturday evening, I tried to go to other room to see some tv programs I like, but when I tried to stand I couldn’t. I had feel enoromous pain in my leg, I was not able to stand also, all I was feeling pain in my both the feet. Then I decided to remain in my bed.

At around 10:30 pm my father asked me to have dinner. I told him that I m going to toilet and then I will have dinner. And from here my bad time started. Somehow I manage to stand, but was not able to move my leg because in my left leg near my knee I was feeling current type pain, and I my right thigh I was feeling tearing like pain. And due to this I was not able to move my leg forward. But anyhow I had gone to toilet at very difficulty. And when I was returning, the pain had increased at its best level. My leg was trembling and also I was feeling the pain die hardly. At that moment I felt that I can’t make it to my bed. Then also I was trying and the sweating had already started, the sweat was falling from my face to the ground. I was very much in sweat. sweat was coming out of me like water. When I felt that I can’t  make it I asked my father to give me support and I asked his hand, I hold his hand and started walking very slowly, the pain was killing me, I was breathing very highly, and on the other hand I was feeling current in my left leg for which I was about to fall, but because of my father’s support I was safe. I was standing in a place for sometimes, making strength and then was going forward, ek step aage rakhte hi left leg mein current type ka marta tha jisse aur bhi pain badh jata tha aur, dil ki dhadkan tej ho gayi thi, aur pain asahaniya ho gaya tha, phir aage step dalne mein bhi darr lagta tha. I was about to cry. Main haath dhone ke liye basin ki taraf ja raha tha to pitaji ne mana kar diya ki tujhe itna pain ho raha hai to rehne de, aur nai ab chal bed ki aur, then I had to turn around, but because of my pain it was very difficult for me to turn around, the pain was in its height, and when I turn around I had feel that much of pain which was out of my control and I can’t stop my tears and I broke down into tears, I cried, I cried loudly, jor jor se rone laga. My father asked me not to cry, but I can’t stop my tears and was crying and crying. He told me ki kuch nai hoga beta dnt worry, kitna pain dega tujhe god, sab seh lenge hum. But I was not able to stop at that time.

My father came to me I put my head on his shoulder and cried a lot. He was telling me to be strong, and I was trying to be strong also, but yaar agar pain hi itna ho raha hai ki aap seh na sako, aur aapke dono leg aapka saath na de rahe ho chalne mein pain ki wajah se, so I feel very bad for me ki main itna bhi nai kar pa raha hun, main bahut lachar tha tab, mujhe apni lachari pe hi rona aa raha tha ki meri halat ab ye ho gayi hai ki main ab chal bhi nai pa raha hun.  Aur phir jo roya hun main, bahut roya hun us din aur bahut der tak roya hun. Jahan tak mujhe pata hai maine aaj tak itna kabhi bhi nai roya tha. Us din maine pehli baar apne aap ko rote hue mehsus kiya,aur khud ki awaz ko suna rote hue, kitna bebas ho gaya tha main ki mujhe last mein rona pada apni is halat ke wajah se. phir kuch der ke baad main shant hua, mera rona kam hua lekin aankhone se aasun nikalna band hi nai ho rahe the. Phir maine pitaji ka haath pakda aur dheere dheere wapas aaya apne bed pe. Aur thoda rest kiya. To kuch der ke baad mujhe achha feel hua jitna pain ho raha tha ab usse thoda kam tha, but pain ho raha tha.

But kuch bhi ho yaar, I thanked god ki main sahi salamat hun, pain hai to kya hua, kabhi na kabhi to chutega hi na. aur marna to chahta hi nai hun main abhi chahe jitna bhi pain ho, arre pagal hai kya yaar, abhi tak kisi ko I love u tak nai bola hai yaar maine, main itni jaldi marne wala nai hun. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.